BBS (Basic Breakfast Sandwich)

• 1 English muffin
• 1 egg
• 1 piece of cheese
• 1 slice of cooked bacon

Toast English muffin. Butter if desired. Put egg in a microwave-safe bowl whose bottom is about the size of the English muffin. Spray or wipe bowl with a tiny amount of oil. Stir egg just enough to break yolk so that when it is in the microwave, it doesn't pop too much and make a mess. Microwave for one minute. Construct sandwich by putting egg on the muffin and putting on the cheese (on the hot egg if you want it to melt). Cut the bacon in half and layer it on the sandwich. Microwave for ten more seconds. Eat.

Now, 75% of the people reading this have already decided this is not for them, because of one thing or another. That's the beauty of this recipe. It can be tweaked so many ways, that anyone can certainly find a version that they like. Lemme 'splain.

HBS (Health Breakfast Sandwich)

• 1 multi-grain English muffin
• 1 egg's worth of egg substitute
• 1 slice of 2% fat cheese
• 1 piece of cooked turkey bacon

Prepare as per VBS.

Or how about this?

VBS (Vegetarian Breakfast Sandwich)

replace BBS's bacon with veggie bacon or ham. Morningstar Farms makes all sorts of appropriate stuff. I like the "breakfast patties."

Or this?

KBS (Kid's Breakfast Sandwich)

1 whole wheat English muffin
1 egg
1 slice American cheese
1 slice cooked turkey bacon

Why the whole wheat? For one reason or other (I'm too lazy to look it up) whole wheat products are made with lots of honey, so whole wheat English muffins are always sweet. When cooking the egg, scramble it enough so that it is impossible to pick apart the egg from the yolk, so your kids eats both. (If that's your goal.)

There are a million little tricks to change the flavor of this recipe. I'll list a few of them.

1. fully scramble the egg to make it lighter and fluffier (you can add a teaspoon of water)
2. fry the egg instead of microwaving -- it doesn't fit the sandwich as well, though
3. toast the heck out of the English muffin for a crispier crunch
4. add six drops of Worcestershire sauce or soy sauce to the egg before cooking
5. sprinkle egg after cooking with some seasoned salt
6. use spicy jack cheese for a little kick
7. use any kind of meat -- ham, bacon, Canadian bacon, tofu bacon-like strips, etc.

I hereby declare myself a journalist. I am now allowed to refuse to disclose my sources.

This is insane